Being my flagship blog, I apologize for allowing my brainchild to go unguarded and unnourished for so long. With that being said, I now offer my explanation and sincerest apologies for the adjacent picture.
Here goes: Heritage Idol, Heritage YMCA After School’s knock-off of the ever popular Fox show. Eight counselors began this venture two weeks ago, only six remain. Guess who’s gone? Yeah, that’s right. Me. Ungrateful dirtbag kids. I give them the best show they’ve ever seen and they discard you like garbage. Vengeance shall be mine.
Now, I admit that I’m not much of a voice talent, but that does not mean that I’m not going to be a serious contender in a head-to-head competition. I sweated. I bled. I shook what I’ve got. What is my reward? Scorn. Here is the rundown:
Week One: I kicked off the competition with a stirring rendition of Hillary Duff’s Come Clean. I figured that the song choice would score some points with the kids, and I was right. I was awful. Imagine an off-key baritone trying to follow a seventeen-year old bubble-gum princess’s soprano. Kindergarteners booed. My own kids screamed for my removal and drowned out all of my lyrics with scorn and cursing. So what was left for me to do in order to save my skin? I stooped to a level that I never would have previously considered. The Booty. Oh yes, the picture is photographic evidence of my degradation. I got screams, shrieks, and even more boos. Yet I survived.
Week Two: Nearing Valentine’s Day, the mandated genre was love songs. After failing to find an MP3 of 2Gether’s The Hardest Part of Breaking Up (Is Getting Back Your Stuff), I found the perfect song: a punk remix of the Backstreet Boys’ I Want it That Way by a band named Allister. My performance was flawless. I knew every word, hit every note (well, almost), and worked the crowd like a punk ninja. Boos. Those little ingrates simply hate me. When five-year olds scream for your blood, you know you must really be a jerk. And so that day my talents were dismissed from Heritage Idol, much to the chagrin of the demon children. Vengeance will be mine. Oh yes, vengeance will be mine.
Oh my. I noticed that several children have turned their own heads away, as well as covering the eyes of friends. Oh my. Drew, I thought we’ve been through this…you’re not to sing in public. Does “HELP! I neeeeed someboooody!” ring a bell? Thanks for the laugh buddy
hahahaa. We need to go do some karaoke!
Don’t forget the wild card round!