Post Tenebras Lux

Several good friends of mine are either pregnant or have recently been pregnant.  Well, it seems that perhaps these couples would have done much better if they had taken a quick trip to Russia beforehand.

According to an article in today’s edition of The Denver Post, Russia has declared September 12th to be the Day of Conception.  Faced with a national crisis of low birth rates and an aging population, the Russian government has decided to give its citizens a day off from work in order to, ahem, make a different use of their time.  Couples who give birth to a child nine months later (June 12) will receive prizes which include cars, refrigerators, and video cameras.

Mission work to Russia suddenly got a lot more appealing…

As promised, here is the second installment of the TR vs. BR list.

You Might Be a Barely Reformed Pastor If…

1. You changed the name of your church from Knox Memorial Reformed Presbyterian to Grace Community Fellowship.

2. You’ve ever seriously considered going to Pensacola or Toronto to bring back the fire.

3. You think that what the church needs is another revival, not another reformation.

4. You use the phrase semper reformandum when someone objects that your practice isn’t confessional.

5. You think the phrase “no creed but Jesus” has an appealing ring to it.

6. You’ve ever done an infant dedication service.

7. You own more than one book by C. Peter Wagner, David Wilkerson, James Dobson, or Gary Smalley.

8. You don’t own anything by Charles Hodge, Archibald Alexander, or B.B. Warfield.

9. You think it’s a good thing that many of your members don’t know the church is Presbyterian.

10. The words “relevant,” “contemporary,” and “cutting edge” cause you to salivate excessively.

11. You don’t trust anyone who doesn’t have exceptions to the Westminster Confession.

12. You consider it to be in bad taste to ask theological questions of a candidate on the floor of Presbytery.

13. You’ve ever cut a service short because it was Superbowl Sunday.

14. You constantly use the word “just” while praying, as in “we just want to really thank you.”

15. You switched to overheads so people would have their hands free to “just really worship God.”

16. You have no idea what the regulative principle is, but strongly suspect it is another form of legalism.

17. You believe an endorsement from J.I. Packer on the back of a book.

18. You believe that the greatest work on apologetics ever written was More than a Carpenter.

19. Any discussion of Reformed theology you are involved in will inevitably include the phrase “dead orthodoxy.”

20. You wish there was some way of incorporating an altar call into your service.

21. You have a “worship team.”

22. You believe that Republican and Christian are synonyms.

23. You spend more time working on the liturgical drama than the sermon.

24. You nod your head and say, “Mmm…” when someone says “doctrine divides.”

25. You get really bummed that your conversion story isn’t more exciting during the open-mike time of sharing.

26. You could sell your copy of the Westminster Confession in like-new condition.

27. You think that the PCUSA went liberal because people “just really stopped loving Jesus.”

I am well aware that most who read this blog are Baptists, broad evangelicals, etc.  This post and the one which I will post soon are a bit of an inside joke in Presbyterian/Reformed circles, but I hope that some of this will carry through.  For the benefit of the uninitiated, there is a running joke in the PCA that there are teaching elders of two very different stripes-TR’s (Totally Reformed) and BR’s (Barely Reformed).  The first is hardcore, the second tends to be more broadly evangelical than classically Reformed.

Alright, enough talk, we’ll start with the TR crowd.

You Know You’re a TR if…

1.  You first quote the Westminster Confession and then say, “Oh yeah, the Bible says this somewhere too.”

2.  You refuse to vote for Jesus as Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year” because you don’t want an image of Christ on the front cover.

3.  You secretly believe that you have to believe in election to be saved.

4.  You think Puritans are really, really, really, really, REALLY cool.

5.  While not being a theonomist, you completely understand them.

6.  While officially affirming the priesthood of all believers, the only people you really trust to interpret Scripture are Calvin and yourself, and youonly trust yourself on Thursdays before noon.

7.  For you, Baptist and stupid are the same word.  [Sorry guys, I didn't write this list!]

8.  A “Reformed Baptist” and a “square circle” are equally as difficult for you to imagine.

9.  You wonder what the Holy Spirit was up to between the times of Paul and Calvin.

10. You think women belong in the home and not in any pulpit, much less a staff position in large churches.

11. At some point in your life you honestly believed that the only people who are saved are you and your buddy who thinks just like you, and then you kind of have to wonder about him because he DOES think just like you.

12. You think any church that has more than 200 people is probably apostate.

13. You are personally repulsed by Campus Crusade for Christ.

14. It is harder for you to keep the Sabbath than it is to fill out your taxes.

15. You keep telling yourself that Willow Creek has to be a really bad dream.

16. You’ve considered stoning someone.

17. You’ve seriously thought about lighting up a cigarette in church.

18. You think “that Pope as the Antichrist thing” should never have been taken out of the Confession.

19. Saying a blessing before the first round of drinks doesn’t seem strange to you at all.

20. Your favorite Bible is your “Authorized Bahnsen Version.”

21. You’re convinced everyone in your Presbytery is secretly a 33rd degree Mason.

22. You know the Apocrypha doesn’t belong in the canon, but you wonder sometimes whether we should add Van Til’s “The Defense of the Faith.”

23. You pray daily for God to release His judgement on para-church ministries.

24. You think no true evangelism has been done without at least three lengthy quotes from the Confession.

25. You’ve thought that if you were a dispensationalist, you would think the clearest proof of us being near the end is ECT.

26. You can’t figure out why God didn’t take Van Til like he did Enoch.

27. For you, tobacco is its own major food group.

28. You like Sproul Jr. a whole lot better than his father.

29. You think John Gerstner was an Arminian who knows better now.

30. You think the “Concerned Presbyterians” are way too moderate.

31. The only reason you haven’t condemned Covenant Seminary is because you went there and you don’t want to invalidate your entire theological education.

32. You have no idea what personality type you are which explains why you are a TR.

Next post:  You Might Be a Barely-Reformed Pastor if…